Invisible Road Signs

"Hey Puffy Ball!" Yes, this was one of my many nicknames that I recieved as a child. Mainly, my older brother was the only person who called me this, with the exception of my sister on occasion. I suppose the name stemmed from my thick, coarse hair that lay on my head with such vigor. No matter how hard I tried, my hair always wanted to float on my head. Althought comments like these might seem a little mean for a young child to recieve, I knew at the time that is was said with affection.

What are we known by? Will I always be referenced to as the kid with the big hair? Certainly, I've grown into my body and my hair is still rather thick but not stubborn like it was. For me, we as humans grow and change in the same way. Perhaps some of us have always felt that we are carrying a sign on our foreheads that somehow "names" us. Maybe it seems like an invisible sign roadmapping for people directions to our most insecure parts. While most of us probably want to cover the shameful parts of us, (namely our nakedness) there are certain things by which we long for people to see. Some names that we long for people to see might be 'cool, confident, secure'. While these adjectives describing someone are desirable, for the most part they are merely illusions to the true condition of our soul. In a manner of speaking, the signs that we don't want people to see are the ones that seem permanantly fixed to our being. Conversely, the positive ones that would scream attention, seem to hold no lasting grip on the consciousness of others.

Jasmine, a novel by Bharati Mukherjee, describes the process of a character trying to find identity in a variety of places. Many of these consctructs include national identity and pride, but even these ideals are split between her love/hate relationship for both the U.S and India. In relationships, Jasmine tends to the seemingly, unending needs of her lover, Bud. Her connection to the man is also a love/hate relationship. Love and pity for the man, and hate for his neediness and weakness 'disabling' her from becoming what she wants to embrace.

In all her encounters with peoples, ideas, and things of the world around her, Jasmine realizes that her identity is rooted and grounded in something. It is this something that becomes the treasure in the fog. An almost impossible item to aquire and posess. Throughout her life experiences though, there are glimpses that she has: "I checked myself in the mirror, shocked at the transformation. Jazzy in a T-shirt, tight cords, and running shoes." (Mukherjee, 133) In this brief but profound moment, Jasmine sees herself in a different light. Her good friend Lillian, bestowed upon her the name Jazzy and it is only when she is around her, she feels different. This 'different' feeling that she has tells her that she hasn't changed so much in who she is at her core, but merely a facet of her complex, but beautiful soul. Robert Burton, author of Artists of the Floating World summarizes this point well, "Jasmine's task, she contends, is to try and negotiate between these tradtitions. The result is that she learns how to live in a state of flux, of in-betweenness, of 'always becoming'  " (Burton, 89)  This 'state of flux' that she experiences brings her to the place of realizing that she may not have the answer of her identity pin-pointed, but that she is well on her way.